Completely Irrelevant: Introducing the completely satirical guide to the rise of Justin_Bieber

It is impossible to ‘surf’ the internet without coming across him, unless you have a program wholly devoted to blocking anything to do with him, he is possibly the most annoying ‘teen’ on the planet, no wait I’ve just been informed of a girl called Rebecca Black who has a life threatening (that is to us, not her unfortunately) nasal condition, anyway introducing Justin Bieber…

This is a brief article trying to discern what has made this boy so damn popular, hate him or love him he is everywhere. 17 and earning $100,000,000 P.A but still having to clean his room he is not your typical Disney- brat like for instance, Selena Gomez (Who he is dating, allegedly) and Miley Cyrus (who he is not dating, yet). This 17 year old is a child at heart; and in fact is still legally a child. His ‘hit’ single Baby with lyrics leaving a lot to be desired has the most watched music video on Youtube of all time, big achievement for a little boy. The music video and high pitched repetitive vocals are enough to induce vomiting. The song consist of Justin being very very possessive of his ‘shawtie’, he is lulled into a false sense of security saying “thought you’d always be mine, mine” but then as usual he is dumped and sings his heart out pretty much trying to make his ‘ex-shawtie’ feel guilty. How this song ever got popular I will never know but girls in short; they LOVE him. Forget Swine flu, if Bieber fever was a life threatening illness (which it is, if you get the urge to go to one of his concerts) it would have killed just under 50% of the population who had access to the Internet, radio or TV. The hair and Purple ‘hoodie’ with a white lining around the zip have become the new sexy among pre pubescent girls. His next hit was One time which cane be described quite simply; White guy pretends to be ‘gangster’. In One time Justin is trying to get another girl who “[has] got everything I need” and he says repeatedly “Ima tell you one time,[Girl I love you]”. This girl is also referred to as ‘Shawtie’, failed another attempt at being ‘gangster’. Finally it comes to him being (presumably) dumped again when his third hit Somebody to love is released. Somebody to love is a big step up from afore mentioned singles and is pretty good. Justin by his time has realised that “[He doesn’t] need to much, just somebody to love”. Apparently he discovered a new talent; composition as the song starts “For you I’d write a symphony, I’d tear the violin, got me sink or swim, watch him play for ya”. There it is he is back to his old ways thinking he is superior thinking that he can sit back then swoop down when “he” least expects it. Then he gets macho “For you I’d be, (Woah, Woah) running a thousand mile, just get to where you are”, never pegged him for a runner then he begs “smile for me, (smile for me)”. His latest hit is Never Say Never featuring Jayden Smith based on the 2010 remake of The Karate Kid. Not much to be said beyond the Irony of the title, acceptable. But then Hollywood gets into the act and films the Justin Bieber Movie also called Never Say Never however is in 3D! Don’t just see him, see him and pretend to grope him. When the scene when Justin is lying on a couch TOPLESS, there surely will be many hands thrust in the air by aroused girls, quite akin to a Nazi rally. However being thin there isn’t much to go round but they may get a small pinch of his chest. These ‘Beliebers’ are absolutely dead crazy on Justin to disturbing levels. When will this stop? When IF he hits puberty.